I
was only five
when Princess Diana had died,
yet I had
looked at all her pictures in mom's Time magazine, and
been unable to stop asking
questions. She was
a beautiful person
and seemed so reputable
- someone
to aspire to, someone who did something different in life.
Beside the magazine, next
to where mom was curling my hair,
had been a book called “Nurse
Nancy”. Mom had saved it
from when she was little.
Mom,
why does every girl want to be a nurse?”
It seemed dull -
stereotypical. Perhaps
holding no outstanding
relevance among the other fascinating or different careers –
especially that of Princess Diana.
Mom's
answer was simple.
“Well
not all do, hunny. But I believe many girls want to be a help to
others.”
Years
past. I remember dad driving me into Hudson, to my bestfriend's
house, sometime early in Junior High
“So
what do you want to be?” He had asked.
I
remember racking my brain for an answer and just thinking “Not
a missionary...”
I
remember his words breaking my silence, coming as a surprise. It
didn't seem like him.
“What
about a missionary?”
There
are times, when I
stop and look around, surprised at where I
find myself.
Not that I am completely
lost, or
that didn't know where I
was
headed, yet I reflect on the
past, thinking -
“I never thought I would be here...”
While I was born with a
certain
personality, character
and certain God-given gifts, God has been slowly molding me, using
all those traits I have been given, yet bringing my desires in line
with His own, in order
to work His purpose.
I
remember the year in High school, when the gospel became real to me,
and God put it on me to tell others of Christ's love. It was Him
who brought in the desire, and while I far from consider myself a
missionary, His work of love and complete redemption is too good to
keep inside.
It is a message to be showed in one's life, and shared through one's
word. The desire was
planted.
I
remember graduating high school, knowing I wanted to be of help to
people and pursuing...nursing – a facet to come alongside
individuals, a way to share Christ's love. And the
journey has been anything but
stereotypical, normal, mundane...
The
sense of difference, adventure and life was always there, and I could
have
tried (and many times did and
still do) to pursue them on
my own, yet the outcome would
have been limited to my ability and understanding.
I look back on those
conversations and I
come to understand God saying
“My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways
my ways.” Isaiah 55:8.
The traits
God has given me have come alive in ways I would have never imagined
– through the gospel and through nursing. Yet,
I am not detained against my will, or made
to do things I never wanted
to; moreover, He has used what He long implanted in me, to show
me a much greater plan than I
could have imagined.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my
ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your
thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9. And
what I only thought I wanted? That changed; because when seeking God,
He made our desires align, and I could not have wanted better.
Following God is not about losing your
own unique set of gifts, changing your personality or losing your
character; rather, in entrusting these things...your life, He will
take what you have and make it into something much greater than you
can conceive. Desires will change, yet they will align with His, and
that plan...is a much higher calling. At some point, I believed this. Twenty two and I
know this, and in times to come, I hope I never lose sight of this.
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| One of Calvin's first days with us. |
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